Conversation Starters
Source: http://www.lovebuilders.com/Conversation-Starters.html
One of the most difficult problems to overcome for many singles is
that of meeting a stranger. Have you ever seen someone who is
attractive that you would love to talk but you instantly feel this fear
that they will know you’re scoping them out and reject you? So you
let the moment pass and say nothing?!?
What can you do to make yourself a little bolder? The answer,
might be to develop a few “Conversation Starters”. Some might
lower these conversation starters to the level of “pickup lines”. The
problem with that is the image it brings to mind.
To me, someone who wants to pick up “chicks” (or a girl who
wants to be picked up), is generally thinking only about having fun.
“Let’s meet, let’s screw, and then let’s meet someone new.”
That’s NOT what I’m suggesting that you use this article to
accomplish. Although some of the principles of meeting people are
the same as those used by the pickup artist, the end goal is
different. You’re looking to meet someone to form a substantial
relationship.
If you’re going to meet someone new, you’re going to have to meet
a stranger. That makes sense. And if you have no way of meeting
strangers, it then becomes almost impossible to ever find someone
new. So, it becomes essential for you to overcome much of your
fear of meeting new people if you are ever going to find the right
person for you.
Years ago, the only way to meet a stranger was to be introduced
by a mutual friend. Today, thank goodness, we’re far less restricted
in the ways we meet new people. Today, the vast majority of your
“meetings” will come as a result of your conversations with new
people. This means that it is important to know how to start
conversations with total strangers.
By the way, this article should apply to girls as well as guys. If you
are a woman who wants to find a man, don’t tell yourself that its the
man’s responsibility to find you. Many good men are so shy that
they will leave you alone. Too many singles want to meet someone,
but they’re unwilling to take any initiative to start a conversation
with someone new. So try this out.
1. Make it your goal to learn to meet and enjoy strangers. If
you tell yourself that you’re trying to pick someone up (or be
picked up), you will immediately feel all sorts of pressure. So don’t
focus on meeting someone of the opposite sex so you can date
them. Your goal should just be to meet new people to whom you
can become friends.
This should take most of the pressure off. If you’re not trying to
scope everybody out, you won’t have to feel guilty. All you’re
trying to do is be friendly. That means you should also learn talk to
the same sex and to people who are older and not people you
would ever date. But practice this on everyone.
What you will be doing is taking an interest in strangers. (And yes,
you could certainly meet someone weird this way. But you will also
meet a lot of nice, attractive people.) You want more friends
because that’s how you will expand your life and eventually you will
meet someone with whom you can build a relationship.
As it turns out, many relationships develop between people who felt
no love at first sight. They were just friends and it developed into
romance. Actually, that's probably the best kind of relationship.
2. Develop a list of conversation starting questions. You must
be comfortable with the questions you develop so you won’t feel
like you’re forcing a conversation. “Do you have the time?” is a
good basic question you can ask anyone, even if they don’t have a
watch. If you have a watch, you can always ask to see if its correct.
When you’re in a line in the market or the bank or at McDonalds,
you can turn to the person behind you and make a comment about
something. “I always seem to choose the slow line.” Then follow
that up with a question or two. “You shop here often? Do you like
the service here?”
Directions are another great opening question. No one is very
intimated by someone who asks for directions. Of course, this is
best done when you’re on foot. In the market you can ask, “Do
you know where to find the ——— ” Ask even if you know the
answer.
If they answer, “I don’t know, I’m new here myself” you should
immediately follow up by saying: “Oh, really. Where are you from?
I didn’t think I had ever seen you before.” You might even add (if
you’re feeling bold), “I’m sure I would have remembered seeing
you.”
These follow-up questions are good ways to continue a
conversation. “You look familiar. Have you lived here long?” Or if
you remember seeing them somewhere you can say, “Do you shop
at the Gap? I thought I saw you over there.”
Try noticing something about them. “Can I ask where you got that
ring? That’s beautiful.” Throwing in a compliment is nice because it
will usually relax them and promote good feelings. It’s less intrusive
to comment about something a stranger is wearing than to
compliment their looks directly. Generally, you’re better off saving
compliments about their looks until you know them better.
“You have an interesting accent, where are you from originally?” I
always comment about people’s accents. It is a big part of what
they are and it makes for a great bridge in the conversation. Telling
someone: “I just love your accent” is a very inoffensive way to give
a compliment and also to open up the conversation to other things.
3. Meeting people is easiest when you’re a friendly
conversationalist. There are two keys here: being friendly and
knowing how to carry on a good conversation. Solomon said that if
you want to have friends, you must be friendly. How true.
If you are a friendly person it means that you will NOT have a chip
on your shoulder. Whenever someone talks to you, you’ll listen and
smile at them. You won’t take offense with the fact that they’re
talking to you (if you didn’t start the conversation). If they are rude
or pushy when you talk to them, you should try to remain nice.
Being a good conversationalist means showing an interest in what
other people like. If you meet a guy who likes football, try to take
an interest in it and ask how the game is played. Then try to follow
it when it’s on TV. (There are many girls who have also learned to
love football and I can tell you there are many men who would
LOVE to meet them).
If you meet a girl who is into novels, ask about what she’s reading.
A lot of women love to read romantic novels. It stands to reason
that if a woman likes things that are romantic that she’ll enjoy going
to romantic movies. (That becomes a good date suggestion for
later).
A guy who has seen all of the romantic movies from the last year or
so, like: “The Runaway Bride” and “Shakespeare in Love,”
"Nottingham", "What Women Want" and “You’ve Got Mail” will
have a lot to talk about with any woman who has seen one or more
of those films. Such movies become great conversation starters,
especially if a guy has something positive to say about them or some
of the romantic issues involved.
“You know, you remind me of the lead actress in ———. Did you
see it?” If she’s seen it, you’re on your way. If she hasn’t, what a
great opportunity that opens up. “You really ought to see it. I can
tell that you’d love it.” And then, not right now, but later, you can
suggest seeing it together.
Being a good conversationalist means that you have something to
say. So see films. Read books. Enjoy life and come to some
conclusions about why you’re here. Forming some opinions and
feeling passionately about things will give you something to talk
about. But do remember that other people will not feel as strongly
as you do so give them grace. Be willing to hear their opinion and
enjoy their different point of view.
4. Become a master of small talk. Small talk is often hard to do.
How many times have you met someone who seems interesting and
then you draw a blank as to what you should say next? Maybe both
of you are standing there wanting to talk, but feeling uncomfortable
about what to say next. If you become a master of this art of small
talk, you won’t be at a loss for words.
Small talk doesn’t mean unimportant talk. Everything you say to
someone is important because they are important. It just means you
are talking about subjects that are not personal or offensive in
nature. In other words, both people will feel that the subjects are
safe for discussion with a stranger.
When you're keeping a conversation going with small talk, you
should eventually introduce yourself. “I don’t mean to be rude, my
name is Jack.” If they don’t tell you their name you can always ask.
“And you’re . . . ?” If your main motive is just to carry on a good
conversation, you won’t come off (or feel) like a pickup artist.
Once you have their name, you are no longer complete strangers.
You could now be called “casual friends.” Be sure to use their
name as you continue talking. The two most important words in the
world to you are your first and last name. We love to hear them
spoken and we hate it when people mispronounce them. So if you
know their name -- use it, but be sure to say it right.
By the way, if you get the name, be sure to write it down after they
have gone and save it somewhere like in a small notebook. You
may never see this person again. But if you do, it is so nice to have
remembered their name. Wa are alwasy impressed when someone
remembers our name especially when we’ve forgotten theirs. But
good memories are not born, they’re made. If you write it down
you can refresh your memory for a few days after meeting them.
Keeping a conversation on a neutral subject is a good excuse to
talk to them later. “Is there some way I can get more information
from you about that?” When you’re talking about any subject, like a
book that you own that would help them, you can offer to loan it to
them. What a great way to get a phone number!
If you’re really interested in someone, and they seem to be
interested in you, it is still wise to use a neutral subject as your
excuse for meeting. Some people will automatically reject any offer
they might think of as a “date” if its done on a first meeting. They
may feel that it isn’t proper to go out with someone they’ve just
met. So keep things on a casual friendship level the first time you
talk.
Click Here to Reach the Next Talk . . .
John Souter, Director
101 N. Kihei Road, Kihei, HI 96753